For Real

Posted on Fri Apr 23rd, 2021 @ 10:25pm by Lieutenant Eklisa

Here out of reach, I sometimes wonder if I’ll see my family again. Of course, it’s entirely likely I will, but being away for so long I feel like I’m missing out on the family I have now. Bek had a daughter by his first wife, Yelna, and I wasn’t there when I was named third godmother. I’m not there in springtime to help Benla pick fruit from his orchards, I’m not there in winter to carry Nema to bed. I miss the little moments together and the physical affection and the nice, cozy rooms of my second father’s house, where my teenage bedroom is full of my sibling’s things.

Despite the distance, though, I’ve found I’ve been seeing Geshix, my closest brother, around the station. Hopefully, it’s a hallucination. I’ve been worried I wasn’t hallucinating enough. My teeth ache from grinding, in anticipation for our upcoming mission. Petting Cruncher has only helped some, so when I first thought I saw Geshix turning a corner I rejoiced.

And- Oh here he is now! Geshix, say hello to my personal log. Yes I’m going to keep recording. You’re not even really here, you’re on Risa right now and you know it. He’s on Risa, studying phosphorescent fungus and the local populus. Yes you are. He’s set to head home in a few weeks, and he’s in a small group with our cousin Taff and his second husband Ferron, so I’m not worried for him.

Listen, Gesh, I’m hallucinating you for stress reasons, let me talk this out with you.

We’ve been betrayed. There’s an innocent system in the balance. It’s not, well not exactly, riding on me, but I can’t believe I didn’t see it coming. Lieutenant Commander Sakor seemed so pleasant, you know, for a Vulcan. I don’t even know if he knew he was betraying us when he came to assist the packaging of our scientific materials. I can’t believe I didn’t question him at all.

I know, I know. Shut up. Yeah, that’s Cruncher. Terran Box Turtle. You could feed him if you want, I mean, I could and you can watch. Hallucination and all. Yeah. Yeah.

Computer, cold lettuce head, [replicator produces something] thanks. I’d give up a lot to come home to you, brother, and everyone else, but you know why I’m out here. No! Of course not. I’m not going to give up my whole career for some- some- Oh what is the word I’m even looking for- Yes, that’s it, It’s like the world is throwing a literal traitor at me just to test my resolve and, to be honest, he isn’t worth it! He isn’t worth a moment of hesitation. [crunching begins]

You’re right. I miss you. I’ll need to schedule some shore leave while you’re home. I’m going to bring my friends, so clean our room. Yes I’m serious. We’ll have to hang hammocks for them, they’re not used to sharing beds the way we do. Yep. Wait, no, actually. I swear, Geshix it’s like you’re intentionally not learning about other cultures. [crunching ceases]

Will you stay with me for a while? I think this mission is going to be incredibly stressful and I might need my big brother to help me. Yes, I’m serious. I know I’m the one who punched Oland. No, ok, fine. You don’t have to stay. I’ll miss you again. Save me a bottle of the wine I’ve missed. Tell our parents I love them, and make sure Trex does his study work. Bye.

[unexplained period of quiet]

Oh, computer, uhm. Log? End that. End the log. Thanks.